Of Solitude and Minorities

I have an obsession with solitude. At times, I am reminded and reinforced of this obsession, albeit I have largely been unaware of how, why and when such “socially-unacceptable” mindset crept into my soul. I am unsure if being a middle-child or having a room to my own for the most part of my life has anything to do with it, but I never believed in subordinating anyone’s needs to anyone else’s.

For that matter, I never enjoyed having anyone to accommodate to my needs. I believe it is nigh impossible to accommodate to everyone’s needs sufficiently enough. It gets worse in large social events, like gatherings and what not, which is perhaps the reason why I am uncomfortable with the idea of socialising and why I never think of myself as a social creature.

It seems that I have further isolated myself in the past four years after making the decision not to have animals as food. Becoming a vegetarian did not lead to my unsociable tendencies, it simply reinforces why I prefer solitude to company. My ex-room mate would never eat alone for fear of being labelled as a “loner”, a “loser” or what not. I have met many who share his sentiments and would prefer to skip a meal than to be caught eating alone in public.

I am, however, the loner and loser in the society’s eyes. In fact, I enjoy eating alone. Eating alone means I won’t spoil someone’s day by requiring to eat at a place with vegetarian options and in the process, causing someone to miss out on a particular favourite food that is not available there for that particular meal. Eating alone means I won’t need to subordinate my own needs to others either.

There are places that I could never find food for myself and there are places that offers only vegetarian food. But the difference is of course, a non-vegetarian could consume vegetarian food but a vegetarian could never have a proper meal at KFC. Either way, this seems like a huge compromise on all parties, thus a good alternative may seem to be choosing a predominantly non-vegetarian location with vegetarian options.

However, these four years have taught me that when it comes to food, most people are rather particular and do not enjoy compromising for that one or two meals in their entire life time. I have never dared to recommend any vegetarian-only places to anyone unless they specifically asked me to or they are close friends or family members that I feel can respect me and my choice of diet.

But most of the time, really, when I’m dining with a group of friends, I find it extremely uncomfortable to remind them of my diet and just go with them to wherever they choose and keep my fingers cross about the availability of any food for myself. Subordinating one person’s needs to many is infinitely better than many accommodating one person after all.

I realised I have told many more lies, white ones I guess, after becoming a vegetarian. “Why are you only eating fruits,” to which I could only reply “Oh I’m not hungry” despite being famished. Of course, telling the truth is seldom an option lest the atmosphere becomes awkward for everybody. Just imagine saying things like “Oh because I’m a vegetarian and there’s no food here for me.”

Eating alone spares me from questions and judgement. There is always a standard repertoire of questions after knowing that one is a vegetarian. I am not complaining about the questions, but I am uncomfortable with the judgements that usually follow. Sometimes, I feel the urge to just reply that my whole family are vegetarians and that I have been one from birth. This would save me from most of the judgement, since people seldom question things that one has no control over. But telling the truth usually invites scepticism, amusement or even scorn.

Vegetarians don’t eat eggs, plants also have lives, eggs are also living, God made animals as food for humans, God made man to eat animals, you’re not a pure vegetarian because …, how can vegetarians eat mock meat, I also liked animals …

Of course, I could justify against each and every of their claim and accusation, of course I could prove the ignorance of some of these statements, but I don’t. There are simply some issues in life that aren’t worth arguing over. People will not understand simply because you won a argument. Instead, people further judge you because you argued with them.

The worse of all judgement seems to stem from the Chinese mindset of vegetarianism. Elderly Chinese, at the risk of stereotyping, can be extremely inflexible and uninformed about vegetarianism. In Chinese, vegetarianism is usually associated with religion. In the West, however, vegetarianism is almost often a way of life out of compassion for animals. I did not choose to become a vegetarian because of religion, at least not completely. I chose to become one because I did not think it was right for animals, living animals that could feel like we all do, to become food on my platter.

Chinese, however, like to think of vegetarianism as some holy thing, which I disagree. They seem to think that some divine punishment would befall upon those that do not adhere to the “traditional” means of Chinese vegetarianism, or those that break their “promise” as a vegetarian. But what traditional means? What promise and to whom?

There is no correct way of being a vegetarian, except for those who consume fish and still claim to be one. Vegetarians that abstain from eggs and dairy products are called vegans, which I never claimed to be one. I chose not to eat animals for food but still do consume derivatives such as eggs and dairy products that do not involve the killing of animals. Granted, I am aware of the cruelty involved in some of these trades and I should try to abstain from these products as much as possible. The Chinese vegetarian usually do not consume onion and garlic for religious reasons, which I also avoid but simply because I am not used to their strong taste and smell after eating at Chinese vegetarian stalls for many years.

Lately, however, I have began taking more onions and garlic to be more accommodating and less of a liability to friends who do dine with me. The recent trip to Timor-Leste, for instance, reminded me of the reason why I chose to become a vegetarian. It was not religious and the reasons for avoiding onion and garlic was never quite in line with my primary reason for becoming a vegetarian. Avoiding them was only a personal preference that I could and should forgo if it was beneficial to others around me. Becoming a vegetarian was never a “holy” thing for me, it was merely my way of respecting animals.

However, such compromises are usually seen as becoming an “impure” vegetarian in the eyes of the Chinese, not that I am bothered by it. However, such judgements lead to presumptions that I could further compromise, which I don’t. The line is clearly drawn for me that I would never eat from food that is cooked with meat. On the last day before returning to Singapore on my Timor-Leste trip, we stopped by at Bali and the team went for dinner at a Malay restaurant. There was clearly no food that I could really consume and even the potatoes seem to have meat within. I just finished the plain white rice and had a drink. That is my resolve and something which I would never compromise.

During the Freshmen Orientation Camp at my school earlier this year, one of the game involved playing Captain’s Ball with a dead chicken. I was extremely uncomfortable and even disgusted by such an idea. I never knew the supposedly bright and matured minds of the country could come up with such an insensitive idea. I took some courage to approach the orientation group leader (OGL) to voice out my concern from participating in the game at the risk of being ridiculed or ostracised. Even more disconcerting was that after voicing out my concern, the OGL was noticeably perplexed despite knowing about my dietary needs and encouraged me to play on. He did however relent in the end. Perhaps, it was divine intervention when a huge downpour cancelled this “game” of theirs to my relief.

Events that I have taken part in in the past four years have made me more aware and sensitive to the needs of others, which I thought was grossly lacking in the sensitivity department in the organising and planning of many of these events. I wonder if the “dietary requirements” section in every registration form was included for formality sake. I wonder if the organisers ever knew that Halal is not vegetarian, although it could very much be argued that all vegetarian food is Halal. I wonder if the organisers knew that not every vegetarian is comfortable with eating from vegetable dishes cooked with meat.

But ultimately, what is more agonising, or perhaps amusing, is the fact that people of the mainstream culture often accuses people of minority culture of impinging on their way of life when the reverse is usually true. Many vegetarians would have heard things like “Oh I can never live without meat” when we never said anything beyond stating that we are vegetarians. Other seemingly more righteous individuals may argue that vegetarians are a deluded and hypocritical bunch by eating mock meat. Most of those who just started on a vegetarian diet may feel extremely defensive upon hearing such remarks and an uncontrollable urge to rebuke such remarks, but really, sometimes it is easier to laugh them away than to engage in meaningless quibbling with the more antagonistic sceptics.

A while ago, I chanced upon a Singapore gay and lesbian group website, People Like Us (PLU) while doing research for my papers on alternative media. While I confessed that the notion of homosexuality has eluded me for the most part, reading about their history, their futile attempts at gaining societal acceptance and the response from government leaders had made me understand these people a little more. While everyone has heard horror stories of gays actively hitting on their friends as well as stories about aggressive and often antagonistic animal rights adherent criticising meat consumption, the vast majority of people in minority social communities, gays, lesbians and vegetarians-alike, are just minding their own businesses.

At the Pre-University Seminar, Minister of State Lim Swee Say replied to queries from a student about the denial of permit for a gay forum by PLU with the following remarks (as cited in PLU’s article):

“….. As for the gay forum, I do not believe that a single group of people in Singapore has the right to publicise its lifestyle and impose it on others. I am an avid golfer, but I do not hold a forum on golfing to say how much I love golf and convince others it is good.”

It took me, one with mainstream attitude towards sexual orientation, quite some time to see the irony in this. PLU aptly described the government as being “confused about who was imposing upon whom” (PLU, 2003).

The mainstream society is always impinging on the minority by imposing their own arbitrary yardstick to determine what is right, natural or aberrant. It took many lives, brave men, brave women, Martin Luther King Jr. and his “I Have a Dream” speech to challenge mainstream perceptions against his race. While I may be a member of only one minority social community, I am glad I woke up in time to accept and understand many others who may be ostracised in other minority social communities, voluntarily or involuntarily.